


Lost In Thought

by dontshootmespence



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, F/M, Love, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 15:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30108228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontshootmespence/pseuds/dontshootmespence
Summary: After Cat gets taken to prison, Spencer wanders toward the local park. Worried about him, you follow him there, only to confess a long held secret.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Kudos: 17





	Lost In Thought

As the truck took Cat away to rot forever in a dingy prison cell, you nearly got lost in your anger, but out of the corner of your eye you saw Spencer walking away, head to the ground and undoubtedly lost in thought. Quickly, you checked in with Hotch to make sure everything was in order before following.

Though he was already out of sight, you knew where he was headed. In the years you’d worked together, you’d gotten to know Spencer better than most. Maybe it was your similar life paths, maybe it was what he called your “comforting personality, you know, each word is like a hug,” but whatever it was, he’d once let it slip that his mother, on her good days, would take him to a nearby park. In those moments, he’d been allowed to be kid, instead of an only child with the world on his shoulders. 

Just as you suspected, you rounded the corner to see Spencer sitting on a swing, legs dragging through the gravel and dirt at his feet. In these moments, Spencer collapsed inward, isolating himself from those that loved him most despite knowing they only wanted the best for him. “If I was going to psychoanalyze myself, I’d say I default to being alone so I don’t have to bring anyone else down with me. Wallowing in misery is bad enough. Being the cause of someone else’s is another type of pain entirely.”

No matter why he did it, you weren’t about to let him think he was alone. “Spence?” 

He glanced up and swallowed, unable to bring himself to smile. But he managed to crane his head toward the swing next to him. “I know you usually try to be alone in times like these, but you aren’t alone, you know.”

Spencer leaned his head against the cold metal chain of the swing and closed his eyes. “I know. But it’s not anyone else’s problem. No one else needs to worry.”

Chuckling sadly, you began to swing back and forth. You were the exact same way, and despite your sound advice, you never took it yourself, so you understood exactly where he was coming from. “Spence, we’ll all worry regardless. Because you’re our friend.” Tears welled up in your eyes. Spencer was so much more to you and to see him in pain hurt your heart in a way that was difficult to explain. “I’m really sorry about your mom, Spence.”

When you looked his way, you saw the tears in the corners of his eyes. “You know what she said when I put her in the truck?” He asked, biting down on his lower lip. Your silence invited him to continue. “She said that she won. Because in 20 years, when she gets out, she’ll remember my name. But I won’t remember hers.”

“That bitch.” You should’ve knocked her head against the bar like you’d done to her bomber partner. “Spence, it’s not a guarantee you’ll end up the same way you know?”

Spencer cleared his throat. “I know, but it’s a possibility. And I can’t get tested. I’m too young for a test to detect any chromosomal defects. Just the idea of losing my mind...it’s who I am, for me more than most people.” He looked away from you, but it did little to hide the tears falling down his cheeks. “I don’t want to lose memories of my mother. I don’t want to lose memories of the things I’ve done with the BAU. I don’t want to lose memories of the team...of you.”

“Spence, you won’t. We aren’t just teammates anymore. Me, the rest of the team - we’re a family now and no matter what happens we’ll be there for you.” Pushing the swing toward Spencer’s own, you ran your finger down his hand. “I’ll be there. I promise.”

“Why? Why take on that pain?” 

“Because I love you, Spence.”

He searched your eyes for meaning. Instead of letting him wonder, you leaned in and kissed him. Just as you were about to pull back from the ledge, he grabbed the chain of your swing and held you there, your lips against his, comforting. “I’m scared,” he admitted. 

“I know. But you won’t have to be afraid alone. I promise.”


End file.
